I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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