Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
