My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
