If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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