why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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