Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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