I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
