Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
