I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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