He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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