so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka