remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it