I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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