I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.