after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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