You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?