You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
