Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

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  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5994) Bad night (1154)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?

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  (703): just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately? http://tfl.nu/eqo5
  Replies (6) Good night (2384) Bad night (1482)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?

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  (416): At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/a2wn
  Replies (13) Good night (2844) Bad night (994)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

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  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (19) Good night (5333) Bad night (1316)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Not my cup of tea

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  (250): I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years. (250): Not my cup of tea http://tfl.nu/83fl
  Replies (5) Good night (1601) Bad night (941)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels

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  (469): You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels http://tfl.nu/mqc8
  Replies (8) Good night (1942) Bad night (618)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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  (715): Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration. http://tfl.nu/envu
  Replies (4) Good night (1424) Bad night (517)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.

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  (520): Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell. http://tfl.nu/vby3
  Replies (5) Good night (466) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.

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  (651): I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do. http://tfl.nu/obfe
  Replies (1) Good night (658) Bad night (365)
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  (408): View more from California

  If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed

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  (408): If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed http://tfl.nu/2ety
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (365)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS

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  (330): I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS http://tfl.nu/gv75
  Replies (1) Good night (499) Bad night (320)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?

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  (781): You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up? http://tfl.nu/pwkf
  Replies (2) Good night (237) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there

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  (724): I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there http://tfl.nu/ouz3
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me

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  (405): Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me http://tfl.nu/dotn
  Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (172)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!

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  (613): I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL! http://tfl.nu/7h4i
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (345)

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