I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
