You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
