He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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