I'm gonna have a badass scar
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
