i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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