i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
