rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
