I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
