Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will be naked everywhere
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
