If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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