You're my little dorito
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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