dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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