I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
