First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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