I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
