i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
