Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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