Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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