I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
