You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
