my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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