that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
