STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just cut my nipple shaving
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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