I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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