Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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