on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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