im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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