did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
