Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
