I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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