i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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