she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
