Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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