Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
