Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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