Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
