I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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