not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
