Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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