did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
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he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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