My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
