Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
