Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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