for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
