I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
