don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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