a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
