New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
