you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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